People Don't Want to Go to Parties Anymore — and Other Signs the World is Coming to an End

Americans' current obsession with social media and "therapy culture" isn't going to end well.

Photo by Quan Nguyen on Unsplash

According to the Washington Post, parties are dead. When people do show up at social gatherings, things rarely take off anyway — too many folks sitting to one side staring at their phones.

The Wall Street Journal adds that it’s now socially acceptable — even something to brag about on social media — to cancel your plans with other people at the last second. Self-care and all that.

The two newspapers blame these new social mores on America’s political polarization — who wants to socialize with people on “the other side” anyway? They say it’s also the lingering after-effects of Covid.

Please. That’s not it at all. Why are both newspapers pretending not to see what’s really going on here?

I hate to be That Guy, but yeah, it’s smartphones and social media. Too many Americans now live almost entirely online. Why bother interacting with actual human beings when you can have all your social needs met by that ever-fascinating little device in your hand?

Photo by Creative Christians on Unsplash

Talk to any American teacher, and they’ll all tell you the same thing: kids are increasingly addicted to their phones — as in literally addicted. They’re now so used to the dopamine hits that come from social media that they go through actual symptoms of withdrawal whenever they’re separated from their phones.

I’d argue another part of the problem is America’s hyper-individualism, which is currently manifested in our country’s strange obsession with what some call “therapy culture” — a perversion of actual therapy. Therapy culture says the most important thing is that we all focus obsessively on ourselves, being hyper-aware of our own individual wants and needs.

If other people can’t get on board, they can just suck it.

Lately, social media and therapy culture are obviously reinforcing each other. That’s the only way anyone could end up thinking the incredibly stupid idea that it’s no big deal to cancel on a friend at the last minute — and then brag about it on social media, no less.

The greater problem is that social media isn’t really real; it’s the illusion of intimacy. It gives people what we want — exactly what we want, to keep us forever engaged and looking at ads — but not what we need, which is sometimes to be challenged and genuinely surprised.

It’s also important to sometimes be bored.

As for therapy culture, well, I’ve spent the last eight years traveling the world as a digital nomad, and it’s incredibly obvious to me how, in other countries, the happiest people are the ones where the communities are close-knit, and the families are tight. Always.

And when I return to America — ground zero for therapy culture and social media — I’m struck by how miserable everyone is, especially the kids.

These things are related.

Photo by Jesús Rodríguez on Unsplash

Sure, there’s always a place for examination of the self, and women and minorities definitely have some legitimate grievances with some of the social codes of the past.

But here’s the Big Picture: what most of us really want in life is to be loved and accepted by the people around us — to be part of something greater than ourselves. And the only way you do that is to be part of something greater than yourself — by taking an interest in other people.

We have no choice but to go to the party that no one seems to want to go to anymore because it’s ohhhhh… sooooo… exhausting.

Real people are sometimes exhausting. That's the whole point. But by dealing with them, we learn resilience. We also get the satisfaction of making Deep Connections.

And as an added bonus, when we’re there for other people during their hard times, they’ll show up for ours. We are all stronger together.

Also, these sometimes-frustrating real-world interactions are literally what make life interesting.

As great as cat videos are, actual cats are always better.

Photo by Zeke Tucker on Unsplash

No person is an island. And by pretending that we are, we end up miserable and alone. Whoever could have predicted that?

I mean, other than literally every writer and poet who ever lived.

The fact that contemporary America has landed in such a ridiculous place makes me very sad, even as I realize that this whole essay is making me sound like a total crank.

Look, I’m not saying throw away your phone. These days, it’s essentially impossible to live without it anyway.

But I am saying go to the damn party. Or, better still, throw a party. Or, if you’re an introvert like me, make it a smaller get-together.

Oh, and unless you have a really good excuse, stop canceling on your friends.

I swear to God, you’ll be much happier when you do.

Photo by Arthur Poulin on Unsplash

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Brent Hartinger is a screenwriter and author. Check out his other newsletter about his travels at BrentAndMichaelAreGoingPlaces.com.