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Terrell Johnson's avatar

As someone who's long dreamed of being a novelist, I feel this too. When I was a teenager and fell in love with reading for really the first time, that's what I wanted to do as well -- that's what I thought a "writer" was, someone who wrote novels.

It was only when, as a freshly minted college graduate with an English major, that I realized, "huh... so you really can't do this for a job, unless you publish something and lightning happens to strike, or you're already rich."

So, I turned to journalism and became a newspaper reporter, which -- though it wasn't writing fiction -- was still writing for a living. And actually I loved it, though I'd never guessed that's where I'd have ended up when I was in school.

Later I left journalism -- that's crumbled now too, as we all know -- but I am glad I got the chance to write for a living under my own byline; people knew me and it mattered what I wrote, for the small town paper where I worked. Still, though, for many years I never considered this "real" writing in the way I looked at the authors I grew up reading.

The reason I share all this is, I do ask myself sometimes, what is it about writing that I'm attracted to -- what got me attracted to it in the first place, and what pulls me in now? Should I be so fixated on the novel, when really it's just one form among many kinds of writing we can do? And, have I elevated that form purely because other people/society/etc. have told me that's what I should elevate?

I write a newsletter too, and I've had a blast doing it. I do wonder, because while I've sat down and written short stories, I never can seem to devote myself to the project of writing a novel -- am I already getting my writing itch scratched by my newsletter? I interact with readers, they write me back, some of them pay me... like, isn't that what this is supposed to be about? And in 2025, it looks different than it would have in 1985, but maybe... who cares?

I don't know. I still wrestle with this. I still would love to write a novel that loads of people would read and it would be a best-seller, etc. Maybe I will do it! But the tension pulls me in both directions, you know? If that makes any sense... 😀

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Lisa McMann's avatar

I'm afraid you are correct, and I am appropriately bitter and depressed. Feeling very lucky, though, to have had my career when I did, and sad for those who are faced with the huge uphill climb as they attempt to make it in these industries.

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